Self Terrorism
It seems a little strange to have to say this to you but here it goes, Stop attacking yourself. Stop degrading yourself. Stop the critical self appraisal with no constructive value whatsoever. Stop it.
The Word of God states unequivocally that you are a creation of God. Your design is directly from the Almighty’s hand. King David wrote in Psalms 139 that he was “ fearfully and wonderfully made ”. David was a human being - just like you and me. Nothing special about David’s making when compared to any other human. David was made like you were made.
Now, obviously there are outside factors that impact your final edition. Did your mother do drugs when she was pregnant with you? If yes, you may have a birth defect. Do you eat way more than you need to live? If yes, you may be obese. Did your parents not discipline you properly when you were a young child? If yes, you likely are a needy adult that may have a sense of false entitlement.
Bottom line, the way you live and what people do around you has an impact on who you become. However, just because a gold ladle is used to fill a pig trough does not change the fact that it is valuable. You or others may have taken what God created in you and used it for “stuff” you were never intended to do. But that does not change what God did in you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. God invested His own breath in you. You are more than special. You are a masterpiece of infinite value.
Talk to the One who made you and ask Him how He sees you.
Psalms 139